No Emotions at this Restaurant

 There is a small family run restaurant here in town that we visit on a regular basis. The italian style food is pretty good and the cost is reasonable. It has everything that you should want from a restaurant except one thing. It seems to be lacking on the friendliness social side of the scale. As a matter of fact you could say that it is lacking any emotion at all. There is no friendly banter with the customers and there is no angry outbursts towards the hired help. The ambience of the restaurant is a black hole of emotion where there is no laughter and there is no sadness. It can be quite unnerving for the typical unsuspecting customer who rambles in and expects to be served with a smile. You get no smile, you get no neighborly banter, but you do get some good food at a reasonable price. Place your order, pay the cashier, and take your food and there will be no problems. Nobody gets hurt and you get fed.

Problem: This isn't good enough for me!! I need a little neighborly banter and I need a little social interaction when I decide to let you prepare my meal. It actually seems a little creepy to me when the restaurant staff are all working like stone cold zombies. I start wondering if I have done something wrong or wondering if they don't like my jokes. I also start wondering if they are all convicts working on a diabolical scheme to over- throw the local government and I have just barged into their private meeting. I also wonder if there will be strange chunks of any unidentifiable objects in my food. So far, there have been no weird chunks but the cold stone stares continue on every visit.
The proprietor of the business is zombie #1 and he is truly a piece of work. His lack of emotion and human character has permeated throughout the entire staff of his business. I was going to post an actual picture of him but this characterization will illustrate perfectly the response he gives to every customer every day.

This is the emotion-less expression I get every single time I go to the restaurant and I even get "the look" when I have used some of my best ice breaker material. For example ....

Me: " Hey,  how about those Cubbies? " .....

Zombie Man: "Can I take your order?                         

Me: " This weather we are having is perfect ..."

Zombie Man: "Do you want anything to drink?"

                                                                         

Me: " It sure looks busy in here today ... "

Zombie Man: " That will be $17.98 ... "

                                                                      

Me: " Are you going to spit in my cheerios Zombie Man ? "

Zombie Man: " Here is your receipt "

                                                                         

Me: " Are you some kind of psycho that is wanted by the Police ?"

Zombie Man: " Do you need any napkins ? "

                                                                        

Me: " I am well aware of your evil plans Zombie Man and I will report you to the authorities !!! "

Zombie Man: "Who is next ? "

                                                                          

I always leave the restaurant unharmed but also nervous that something may have been done to my food order. Each bite is preceded by careful investigation by my well trained eyes. So far, there has been nothing but tasty and fulfilling meals on each and every visit. However, the emotionless stares of Zombie Man and his

hired minions continue to haunt me. Perhaps I need some new ice breaker material.

Catfish

 

The Carmen Electra Theory and its Downfall

Have you ever experienced that strange phenomenon known as deja vu ? It involves the feeling that you are seeing a situation or experience for a second time. As the situation unfolds to the observer they get the feeling that they have seen the situation all before perhaps in a dream or past experience. Its like a replay of a scene from your life or it could be just a strange coincidence where your mind has played a trick on you. I am sure that there has been a lot of research and psychological studies on deja vu because of its commonality in the human experience.
There is another strange phenomenon that exists and randomly repeats itself at different times in my life. I have had many coincidental incidents in my life when discussing a friend, or object from the past. Many times after describing a friend or acquaintance from my past I have "coincidentally" heard from them or ran into them within the following few days. My response is usually ... " hey we were just talking about you the other day ... funny that you just appeared after all these years."  When these situations happen the feeling is a combination of coincidence and mystery. I often wonder if my thoughts had actually caused the situation to happen. This is very similar to concepts involving the achievement of your goals and the visioning process as you imagine yourself achieving a personal goal. If you can visualize it in your mind then it is achievable. I am not aware of the name of this phenomenon that causes people from your past to appear in your life just days after you have discussed them but it is a real phenomenon.
I decided to experiment with the process and to create my own rules and expectations in order to understand and identify the intricacies of this entire process. I started by thinking of food such as chicken wings, spaghetti, and hoagie sandwiches. To my delight, a few days after pondering a plate full of chicken wings I was feasting on wings with good friends at the local saloon. I gradually discovered that the phenomenon does not work with too much concentrated effort. There needs to be a vacuum of randomness and equal percentages of chance for the experience to be unique. I wondered what would happen if I randomly discussed people that I wanted to meet in select conversations throughout the day. Sometimes these would be a friend from the past or an ex co-worker that disappeared from the social radar screen. The random success rate in these circumstances is much higher than would be expected. So now I have set my sights on
Carmen Electra:

My Carmen Electra theory had been formulated and must now be tested. If I systematically discussed Carmen Electra and envisioned her presence then there was a percentage of chance and randomness that would eventually cause her to cross my path. The theory has now been well documented and the testing has been initiated in many conversations to date. There have been no indications that the theory is reliable and has not yet been proven in any scientific journals or research. She also has not randomly appeared at my office or through a telephone call. For the sake of science, and my own personal quest to get published in the journals of unexplainable social phenomenon I continue my research hidden from the spotlights of mainstream academia.

In conclusion, the current downfall of the Carmen Electra theory is that I am still waiting for that eureka moment where I can say " Carmen, I can't believe that you are here as I was just talking about you the other day."  My experiments and research shall continue.

Catfish

Preview of Upcoming Thoughts ........

Bored and Restless ??? Then remember to stop back to the FishDome for these articles coming in the near future:

• " The Carmen Electra Syndrome and its downfall "
• Beware of  "The Restraunteer that shows no emotions with a cold dark stare".
• The Difference Between me and Those Guys that Win the Nobel Prize for anything.
• Cool Flowers with a symmetrical Beauty.
• Unique and Creative Ideas from across the web.

Don't forget that your comments and insights can direct and influence future posts and dialogues. If you have some interesting concepts or a unique perspective then please leave me a note.

Thank You

Hunting for Beaver in Orion, IL

I hate garage sales and the entire concept behind them. Let's face it they are just a creative way for people to unload their junk. People tell me I don't know what I am missing with the adventure of finding something special that you cannot find in the regular stores. Our house is loaded with things that have been purchased at garage sales that were considered a "great buy" or a "bargain" and that I consider to be junk.
Now we are faced with the prospects of unloading these items on other people with our own garage sale. Economists might call this the "economic salvage spiral of diminishing returns". As the items get older and older and pass from one household to the next the value of usage and the overall $$$ value continues to drop at an alarming rate. The cost of handling, and storage alone makes the entire endeavor a nightmare for the typical home owner.
I have discussed this numerous times with many experts on both sides of the issue. I have discovered that the majority of the time the typical garage sale hobbyist does not usually have a specific agenda or a set shopping list of items that they are seeking to purchase. They enjoy finding something at each sale that stirs up an impulse to buy it right there and right now. About three days later these items turn from garage sale gold into my junk that's old.
Recently, I was notified that my family was going to head out to Orion, Illinois for the annual church rummage sale . That is a fancy name for a junk sale. I wondered to myself what sorts of  "must have " items that would soon be darkening my doorway. To be honest, I cannot recall all of the items purchased that day as they have no value to me and I actually would rather forget the expenditures made in acquiring them. I do however remember the one lone treasure that was purchased that day that I found quite unique.
It was a life like replica of a Brown Beaver (Castor Canadensis) with soft fur and a funny looking expression. I have adopted him and decided that in every 1,000 garage sale trips there just might be a treasure there for me. Who would have ever thought that you could chase down and find a treasured Beaver in Orion, Illinois ??

I can't wait to get out there and see what I can find in the bargain bin.

Catfish

Attacked By Bees

 It was a strange weekend morning and there was something that just was out of balance. I had my ordinary weekend chores list but right from the beginning of the day I felt a sense of evil closing in and around me. The sea was angry that day like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli but who am I kidding this has nothing to do with the sea. It has more to do with my yard and the evil invasion that had taken place the night before. I decided to ignore the feelings of imbalance and cheerfully embarked on the 30 minute adventure to mow my grass. About 25 pulls at the mower, she fired right up and we got jiggy with the mowing in no time. Upon completion I was ready to tidy up and sweep some of the grass clippings from the sidewalk area that leads to the garage. From my vantage point near the garage I noticed some activity around an area in the grass that is approximately 3 feet away from my neighbor's garage. Bumble bees the size of small figs were darting in and out of a hole in the ground and bringing food back and forth to the queen mother. My finely trimmed yard and homeland had been invaded overnight by buzzing yellow devils with stingers and bad attitudes. The uninvited guests had initiated actions that I could not ignore because it was my duty to protect my family and the homeland. I immediately declared war and started to strategize my military response tactics. I had watched many military movies and a few episodes of Police Woman with Angie Dickinson so I was confident that in this war I would prevail victorious. I quickly changed into my combat attire for protection.
A Ted Nugent styled hat, my protective rec specs and the powerful threaded bonds of my Chicago Bears shirt would serve me well for the battle that day. This is my battle uniform of the day.

I also was equipped with a powerful arsenal of domestic household items that would assist me in defeating the yellow and black menace. The greatest and most powerful force within my arsenal was my green shop vac which would be transformed into the Fishman 5000. My initial strategic attack was a plan to take my shop vac over to the entrance hole in the ground and suck the bees into a whirlwind of terror one by one as they entered or exited the hole. This strategy proved to be ineffective as I soon learned that I had underestimated the resourcefulness of my now agitated enemy.
I encountered three main problems during my attack on the bee village. #1, it was mid morning and several of the bees had left the nest in search of food. As I approached the underground hive with the full force of the shop vac the bees rerturned in waves back to defend the nest. #2, I was limited in my assault because the length of the shop vac hose left me too close to the attacking bees and their wicked fury. #3, Upon closer examination my research intelligence indicated that there was more than one hole in the ground. The bees were able to enter or exit from 4 different command posts and now were agitated into full scale alert status. I was unable to manuever the shop vac fast enough to cover the rapid exits and entrances of waves of bees from multiple locations. The battle diagram below illustrates the battle field, my potential escape routes, and the area that was now to be considered as " THE AXIS of EVIL ".

I decided that the shop vac needed some technical improvements. A quick review of the contents of my garage ( munitions supply center) and I found a 6 foot dowel rod that I could use with the shop vac. I secured the dowel rod to the shop vac hose and now I was able to manuever the end of the hose from a safe distance away from the swarming bees. This additional feature greatly improved the funcionality of the everyday shop vac and eventually led to the naming of the " Fishman 5000 ". I have attached a photo for your review along with a photo of some more primitive bee collection devices that are currently being sold as
the "Fishman 1000" available in either pink or blue.

The Fishman 1000 is not as efficient as the upgraded 5000 model but with the proper technique can be used to capture bees. I also found some small pieces of metal tubing that I stuffed with newspaper to block the hollow openings. I used the metal tubing as a ram rod to close off the exit holes one by one and eventually had all the holes blocked off except one. I have included a picture below of the tubing as it was placed into the ground. This left me with one hole to focus on with the Fishman 5000 adapter and I could pick off the bees one by one as they emerged from the hole.

No longer was the  "AXIS of EVIL" any kind of threat. The battle continued for hours but eventually I emerged victorious and my yard and home could once again be considered a "Bee free zone".

My only continuing problem is my dilemma with the Fishman 5000.

Does anyone want to buy a shop vac that is loaded with 3,000 angry bumble bees ?

Mission Accomplished
Your General and C.O.

Driving with One Lane

This is a diagram of one of the roads just next to my house. There are cars parked on the east side of the road and there is only room enough for 1 vehicle to pass however there is traffic coming to this area from both the North and South. My simple little reminders to all the DA's of the world is that if I have the open lane and I am approaching from the North then " I do have the right of way. " It does not mean that if you speed up and jump over to my lane that you are now the owner of my lane. It also does not mean that you do not deserve to receive a few gestures and comments thrown your way as I pass by. If you don't like the gestures and comments then don't drive in my neighborhood and don't act like a DA.

Letter to the Editor 9-8-09

In reference to the speech by our President aimed at motivating our children to do better in school I decided to send a letter to the editor. There was a lot of controversy and politics before the actual speech so it became a bigger side show than it needed to be. In the end I thought it was a good speech. Here is the letter I sent in to the newspaper. As of today it has not been published and due to its length, sarcasm, and humor probably will not run.

Dear Mr. President:

I am a little confused. My 4th grade assignment was to write a letter about education and what it can do for me in the long run but I forgot who was to receive the letter. My mom and dad have been talking to a lot of people on their facebook pages and through text messages on their cell phones. They decided that I should not listen to your speech on Wednesday. Dad called me from his barstool down at the saloon. He spends a lot of time there these days since the current economy shut down his workplace. He says those fancy guys on wall street owe him a beer or two since they destroyed his job and are destroying our future as citizens. Mom told me that I shouldnt listen to your speech because I might get indoctrinated or brainwashed with a socialist agenda aimed at the minds of small children. I am not sure what that means because sometimes I get confused. After all, my mom and dad will let me watch Sponge Bob, The Family Guy, and every new release of the Friday the 13th movies. I guess it is ok to watch all of that stuff because it doesnt indoctrinate me or promote a socialist agenda. I can watch this stuff for hours sometimes even when I try to finish my homework.
Mom and dad didnt vote in the last election but they sure do have a lot of opinions about politics, socialist agendas, and the indoctrination of young minds. They don't talk a lot about education and how important it is for me to stay in school. When I think about my education sometimes I get a little confused. I hope to someday graduate from high school and have a chance to go to college but at this point I don't understand what it will mean to me in the future. Speaking of the future, I hope that someday I will get to meet you if you come to town. In about twelve years I probably will be working at the local fast food restaurant. I will be the one with the Sponge Bob tattoos. I will be working for minimum wage to raise money for my wife and 3 kids. The restaurant may be owned and operated by a foreign government and they may be offering socialized healthcare to all of the workers that have been indoctrinated towards a socialist agenda. If you come up to the drive through window I hope I get your order right because sometimes I get confused.

Good luck and thank you for caring about discussing the future of my education Mr. President. If everything goes all right I might not be so confused about my education and the future of my country.

John Q. Student
4th grade
Anytown USA
 
 
I also have links to some previous letters that I have had published:
 
http://www.qconline.com/archives/qco/display.php?id=455012 about children and making good decisions.
 
http://www.qctimes.com/news/article_23d2e2b7-66c6-5eb4-be4d-31cb4cd5d931.html about the 2002 All Star Game .....
 
ML

Upcoming posts from the fish dome .....

Just like on television you can get a sneak preview of what might be coming in the near future from the fish dome. Here are but a few of the posts that will be coming in the next few days ....

• " Letter to the Editor" -- A new letter and links to previous articles.
• "Rules of the Road and why I should have the right of way."
• "I was attacked by bees and created a new invention."
• "Hunting for Beaver in Orion, IL "
• " The Carmen Electra Syndrome and its downfall "

Check back again for these exciting stories and much much more while we stir
up the dust in the fish dome.

How Do You Name your Blog ??

Welcome to the First Edition of my blog that has been named:

"Stagnant Dust in the Fish Dome". Naming the blog was more difficult than naming my children perhaps because I thought it needed to be perfect in order to accomplish a few goals. #1 it had to inspire me to write and to keep me motivated on the project. #2 it had to inspire others to think and ignite their curiosity. After all, I wasnt going to be writing a blog just for the sake of amusing myself with words pecked out on my keyboard. #3 the name of the blog had to symbolize my goals for creating it in a humorous way that connected me to my past and creatively offerred an opportunity to comment on a variety of subjects. I have always appreciated an intelligent dialogue on the challenges and struggles that we find in life, and during my lifetime my connections to people have positively engaged the stagnant dust particles of my imagination. My high school nickname of "Fish" which was an abbreviated version of "catfish" has stuck with me through my on going connections with friends from high school or college. It is possible that this may not be the most flattering of nicknames but nonetheless it is a strong image that keeps me bonded to acquaintances from my past. So this blog is appropriately named after the collective ideas and thoughts that were lying motionless and stagnant within the small brain of a fish. I hope you enjoy sifting through the dust and that you may find interesting subjects that inspire you in your life or opportunities to contribute to the development of the Fish Dome.
For your review I thought I would include some of the rejected names that I was considering for the blog. During my search for the perfect blog name ( if it exists) I was focused on some common themes. In retrospect I think I was just becoming way to absorbed in trying to make myself look smarter than a dumb old fish. Its funny to look at this list now but I have found that there are literally thousands and thousands of people that are blogging that have had similar thoughts. Its funny that from our own perspectives we think we are so darn smart. Here is my abandoned list with some brief commentary for each.

L'esprit d'escalier: Thinking of a witty remark after the event when it is too late.
Eudamonia: A philosophical term that means overall happiness.
Zeitgeist: The cultural spirit of the times that changes over time.
Vox Populi: A french term that means --  The man in the street.
Spiritus Mundi: The spirit of the world that is linked through a common intelligence.
Weltanschauung: A comprehensive world view.
Under the Bohdi Tree: The place where Buddha became enlightened for his teachings.
Vipassana: Insight into the nature of reality.
The Idiot Savant: A blog from a guy like the Rainman ...
JOATMAN: Jack of all trades-Master of None
ecrit therapie: Written therapy

all of those ideas considered this is how I decided to name my blog: Stagnant Dust in the Fish Dome ...